Fallen London – The Great Vanity Guide to the Neath

Vanity Guide

Do you have too many echoes? Does your Hellworm boot polish no longer inspire envy in your friends? Perhaps you consider your Heptagoat to be Yesterday’s Jam? Are you a fan of the number, or just vain and insane?

If you answered a resounding “Yes” to any or all of the above, if the acronym “EPA” makes you break out in a cold sweat and your eyes glaze over, or you just love purposeless grinding, then, Delicious Friend, read on, and you’ll be the 777 monarch or alternatively styled despot before you know it!

This exclusive guide will show you vanity and how to get it – the neathy way! All for the low low cost of whatever echoes you have lying around, and any ideas of monetary gain will be a thing of the past! Who even needs money anyway, if you’ve mastered the number?!

What could be more satisfying than a sense of pride and accomplishment?

Introduction, Assumptions and Prerequisites

Within Fallen London, several discrete qualities have unique text for reaching 777 in the activity.  This guide will outline the quickest way to reach this (with respect to actions required) for each of the qualities in question.  It goes without saying that there’ll be plenty of spoilers here, so if you don’t want to risk any, then stop reading now.

First, prerequisites and assumptions to make the most of this guide.  They are not necessarily always required, but some qualities and methods may need some of the following, and as such, will make life easier:

  • You are an end game player, preferably with a railway, access to a ship, and a Parabolan Base Camp;
  • You are familiar with FL grinding concepts in general, and FL related acronyms;
  • You have high, if not max, stats in the highway stats; BDR; MAGCATS (and similar);
  • You have a fully upgraded (and preferably Fated) Lab, along with access to the Visionary Student and Silk Clad Expert [30 Fate] (ideally);
  • You have sufficient capital to waste.  Some vanity grinds cost vast amounts of echoes/items.  Where this is needed, the specific details will be summarised in each quality’s section;
  • Monetary profit is not important to you.  EPA won’t feature in this guide.  It is purely for vanity, and not monetary gain.  Some grinds are profitable (albeit very inefficient – think old boxgrind levels, or worse).  Some may even be loss making;
  • You don’t mind swapping Professions – in some cases, specific Professions make it quicker;
  • You have access to the Mushroom’s Dream Premium story [25 Fate];
  • You aren’t using alts to help;
  • Cider may be useful in some cases, as would a (preferably saddled) Hellworm;
  • Being in possession of A Weasel of Woe will be useful;
  • The Serpent Muralist Vignette [10 Fate] at the Tracklayers’ City may be useful for one niche method.
  • You have access to an airship, and have progressed Firmament to Chapter 2.

As it stands, the current list of qualities which feature unique text for reaching 777 is as follows:

  1. A Historian of the Neath
  2. A Hunter of Zee Beasts
  3. A Prolific Pirate
  4. A Synthetic Philosopher [requires Fate story – The Mushroom’s Dream – 25 Fate]
  5. An Interloper in the Library
  6. Barrister of the Evenlode
  7. Crate Conveyor [only possible during the Great Crate Commotion Living World event]
  8. Dedicated Brawler
  9. Dream-Trophies of Parabola
  10. Fabricator of Past Lives
  11. Familiarity with the Carpenter’s Granddaughter
  12. Meals Served at Station VIII
  13. Oneiropomp
  14. Painter of Fine Art
  15. Palaeontologist
  16. Prolific Advertiser
  17. Record of Successful Forgery
  18. Scintillack Dreaming
  19. Teaching Reputation of Your Laboratory
  20. The Prestige of your Laboratory

To grind all of these qualities to 777 takes approximately two years of real time.

There are of course additional discrete qualities that players grind for vanity that do not feature any QLD text.  The grinding of these is beyond the scope of this guide (unless of course they get QLDs in the future).

A Historian of the Neath

  • Location: Moulin
  • Actions/level: 4
  • Stats required: None, but Mith 12 reduces losses

Methodology

A relatively simple grind, the trick is to write the shortest monograph possible.  This is done in 4 actions as follows:

  1. Start the monograph
  2. Add to it once
  3. Finish the monograph
  4. Publish the monograph

For step one, any of the options that don’t require any resource expenditure are best.  The continuation step will require the input of resources.  The easiest way is to spend Third or Fourth City relics (at a cost of 25 echoes/monograph), which are purchasable directly from the London bazaar, at a total purchase price of around 19.5k echoes.

Alternatively, if you do A Hunter of Zee Beasts first by hunting feral crocodiles, this will provide enough Second City relics for the 777 monographs (use these relics on Step 2 of the above method), thus avoiding having to spend money on relics at the bazaar.

Writing a monograph that the Disgraced Diplomat will buy (Fourth City’s Decline/Fourth City’s War Against Hell are the two options for this that do not require any resource expenditure to start) will yield Ambiguous Eoliths, which can be disambiguated in the Lab for The Prestige of your Laboratory.

A Hunter of Zee Beasts

  • Location: Home Waters
  • Actions/level: 8+0.5
  • Stats/items required:
    • Notched Bone Harpoon (from being a Monster Hunter); 
    • 309 Dangerous; 
    • Additional items useful – see below

Methodology

  1. Pursue a feral crocodile, and zail to the hunting ground (3 actions)
  2. First, choose Make a Daring Approach
  3. Pursue it 3 times
  4. Finish off the crocodile

If you are not a Monster Hunter, the carousel requires one additional action of pursuit per level, which adds about 8 days to the overall grind.

Periodically you will need to return to Wolfstack Docks to reset Troubled Waters.  Each occurrence costs 3 actions (2 to zail to Wolfstack, and 1 to dock).  Working on the very conservative assumption that this happens every 6 hunts, gives an additional 0.5 actions to the grind per level.

Always play cards during the part when you are zailing in Home Waters to reduce Troubled Waters – this will increase efficiency by reducing the need to return to London.

You can grind A Prolific Pirate at the same time as this, which improves overall grinding efficiency.

Options on cards that reduce Troubled Waters include:

  • The KT check on the Drownie card (needs 8 KT and the Faceted Decanter of Drownie Effluvia to 100%);
  • “Ready the guns and fire at its soft spots” on the Giant Crab card (requires 8 MA for 100%);
  • With suspicion < 5, Exchange pleasantries via semaphore on the Corvette of Her Majesty’s Navy card

Additionally, Troubled Waters buildup may be decreased by acquiring the Obstinate-Class Cruiser (Ship), and the Tricorne/Aria/Cowl (Hat) from the Fruits of the Zee festival.

A Prolific Pirate

  • Location: The Unterzee
  • Actions/level: 10 with perfect RNG, realistically more around the 15-20 range (see example routes below).
  • Stats/items required:
    • Unlocked piracy in Gaider’s Mourn;
    • 17 in various MAGCATSZD – specifically: Zeefaring; MA; Chess;
    • As much of the Highway Stats as you can possibly manage
    • Troubled Waters reduction items strongly recommended

Methodology

The piracy carousel involves raising a pyramidal piratical progress quality to 15 (ie 120 CP), and then cashing it in for one point of A Prolific Pirate.  As the grind is at Zee, it is entirely opportunity deck based too.

The checks required are difficult, whilst managing menace (in the form of Troubled Waters) is critical.

Possession of Cider is likely to be useful, as check failure could end up with death, (which is obviously inefficient).  Equipping items to reduce Troubled Waters gain is also strongly recommended.

The safest methodology is to zail between London and the Khanate, via Shepherd’s Wash and the Sea of Voices.  This is because these are two safe ports, and as such, docking there removes Troubled Waters.  The check difficulties are determined by the zee region’s difficulty, and so to 100% the advanced stat checks needs 12 (or 17 in the Salt Steppe) in the relevant advanced stats (If you do not have 17 in these stats, you can dock at Polythreme instead of the Khanate, making 12 the maximum you will need).

You’ll also need to swap between outfits that maximise these quickly, to, once again, minimise the accumulation of Troubled Waters.  Having a dedicated outfit slot for each is the easiest solution.  Either way, you’ll also want to dock at safe ports periodically anyway, in order to stash away the plunder you acquire while pursuing piratical pastimes.  At the cost of additional actions, you can generate additional income this way by shuttling crates back and forth for the Widow as you go.

It is also possible to prolong the trip at zee by extending the voyage to Tanah-Chook (requires the All Things Must End Exceptional Story), as Stormbones has the same level of difficulty as the Sea of Voices.  However, please note that Tanah-Chook is not a safe port, so docking will not reset Troubled Waters.

Reducing Troubled Waters can be done through several opp cards:

  • The KT check on the Drownie card (a KT check and requires the Faceted Decanter of Drownie Effluvia to 100%) – although it is better to use the piracy progress option whenever possible;
  • “Ready the guns and fire at its soft spots” on the Giant Crab card (MA check);
  • With suspicion < 5, Exchange information via semaphore on the Corvette of Her Majesty’s Navy card.  This also gains 3 CP of the progress quality, so it is very useful to play this.

Additionally, Troubled Waters buildup may be reduced by acquiring the Obstinate-Class Cruiser (Ship), and the Tricorne/Aria/Cowl (Hat) from the Fruits of the Zee festival.

A summary table of the opportunity cards to play that are available in all zee areas, and the option and stat needed to raise the progress quality, is listed below.

Opportunity CardOption to useStat RequiredTroubled Water CP
A Blank Space on the ChartsSearch the uncharted waters for your quarryZeefaring-1
A Corvette of Her Majesty’s NavyExchange information via semaphorePersuasive-1
A Flock of ProphetsTake auspicesZeefaring+4
A Light in the FogListen for news of your quarry (Sea of Voices Only)Watchful+3
A Navigation ErrorUse your disorientation to your advantageZeefaring+3
A Sighting of the (Bounty)Follow that ship!Zeefaring+4
Passing a LightshipStop and exchange newsShadowyN/A
Rats in the holdQuestion them about other shipsDangerous+3
The Fleet of TruthEngage in a little bit of ‘peer review’Persuasive+2
What do the Drownies Sing?Listen to the songs, and for your quarryMonstrous Anatomy+2

Please note that the progress CP is linked to the region difficulty.  Regions other than Home Waters will have a greater CP gain, but the difficulty will be higher. 

Specifically:

  • Home Waters +8CP;
  • Shepherd’s Wash +9CP;
  • Sea of Voices +10CP;
  • Salt Steppes +14CP;
  • Pillared Sea +15CP;
  • Stormbones +9CP;
  • The Snares +16CP

There are also region specific opportunity cards which also give progress.  These are as follows:

Opportunity CardOption to useRegionProgress GainStat RequiredTroubled Water CP
Ripples of Future VoyagesYou will remember finding your quarryThe Pillared Sea+15CPZeefaring+3CP
A Chelonite Hunting KetchExchange sightings of elusive beastsThe Salt Steppe+16CPMA0CP
A Khaganian Patrol VesselHail them with their own passphrasesThe Salt Steppe+14CPA Player of Chess+4CP
A Light in the FogListen for news of your quarryThe Sea of Voices+10CPWatchful+3CP
A Pirate Steamer!Flash a pass-sign on the MournThe Snares+16CPZeefaring+2CP
Coordinate with your sister-ship’s ProphetA Fellow MournerThe Snares+15CPDangerous+2CP

In terms of overall action cost, with perfect RNG in the hardest region (The Snares), it would be minimised at 10 actions per level, although obviously this is unrealistic on a long term basis.

The final action is used to cash in the progress quality, and is a Zeefaring check.  Please note that it also gives 3 CP of Troubled Waters.

Plunder accumulated during the grind for Prolific Pirate may be cashed out in diamonds, which can then be converted into Touching Love Stories to use in A Painter of Fine Art.  To do this, split the diamond into magnificent diamonds, and then sell them at the Hurlers for 5-6 TLS each.

You can grind this in tandem with A Hunter of Zee Beasts to improve overall action efficiency.

Example Routes

Some example routes you may use to grind this quality, and their average action cost (n ≈ 25) are as follows:

  • London-Khanate-London (via Stormbones and Salt Steppe) – 19.1 actions/level;
  • Khanate-Salt Steppe ping pong (ie zail until TW is too high, then dock at Khanate) – 15.7 actions/level;
  • Polythreme-Cecil-Polythreme (turning round before entering Stormbones and returning to Polythreme) – 17.1 actions/level.

A Synthetic Philosopher

  • Location: Mangrove College
  • Actions/level: At least 5
  • Stats/items required:
    • The Mushroom’s Dream Premium Story [25 Fate]
    • 300 in Highway Stats

Methodology

  1. Enter the Wisp Way
  2. Raise Fruitful Yield to 2, and raise any two of the other philosofruit qualities (excluding Rot) to one each
  3. Harvest the fruit
  4. Cash out

This grind is entirely opportunity deck based, so there is an element of randomness.  As such, it may take more than the optimum 5 actions per level in some cases if RNGsus is feeling capricious.  

The best strategy is to raise Yield first, as this is essentially the limiting factor – owing to the fact that raising the other qualities more will mean a higher yield is needed before you can harvest.  

Be careful of the Endless Bounty card – while it is an easy way to raise Yield, it will incur a Nightmare penalty (which in turn, will ultimately drive you insane).  The final option on it however gives 10 Solacefruit, worth 10 Scrip/5 Echoes, so it’s a good option to play in general for money and to be able to draw a new card.

The Philosophers Without Portfolio card is especially good, as it can raise yield and clear your hand, allowing a new set of cards to be drawn.

Raising Fruitful Rot above 1 will lock you out of harvesting, but you can raise it once per round if there’s no better way of drawing more cards.

Worst case scenario, don’t be afraid of just starting again by playing Return to Town – it may be more action efficient to do this than to sink more actions into unlucky cards – beware the sunk cost fallacy!

Menace Management

Menaces cannot easily be reduced at the Mangrove College, so you need to be careful.  It may be easier to return to London to completely remove menaces (you can tie this in when TtH hits for example).

Nightmares can be reduced on the Endless Bounty card, with a KT check.  However, this in turn raises Wounds.

Wound reduction can be done through the black bordered card, which appears when you have a Yield of 3 or more.

Playing the Exploring the Mangrove College -> Explore the Wisp-Ways option can yield a rare success that reduces both Nightmares and Wounds by 2CP each, which is a useful alternative to travelling back to London if you wish to stay at the Mangrove College for an extended period of time.

An Interloper in the Library

  • Location: The Stacks
  • Actions/level: ~24
  • Stats/items required:
    • Max Highway stats, KT, Defences; 
    • Rats on a string (get 10k, you won’t need them all but they’re dirt cheap);

Methodology

There are two phases to this carousel, namely: finding the book, then finding the reading room.  Both involve grinding a progress quality to 40.

It is more or less entirely opp deck based (aside from starting/ending storylets – which are 5 fixed actions).

First of all, it is worth pointing out that playing the Anathema Unchained card (A Chained Volume -> Unchain it) is always the most efficient method, and as such should always be played whenever possible.  However, the card to do it is Rare, and there is also a cooldown (of 10 revolutions of the carousel – including the one it was drawn on).

Outside of this, the best method is to always play progress cards.  These are:

  • A Tea Room – Consult your maps of the library (requires having a Route);
  • A Dead End? – Tie a rope to the railing and descend;
  • The Grey Cardinal – Furry Lunch/Tin of something fishy (requires rat on a string/deep zee catch respectively).  Also gives Disposition (needed for progress from the A Gaoler-Librarian card);
  • A Grand Staircase – Make an informed decision (requires having a Route);
  • A Gaoler-Librarian – An intervention from the Grey Cardinal;
  • A poison-gallery – either option, although one requires Abominable Salts;
  • An Atrium – either option (requires Routes, or Fragmentary Ontologies – always play the Ontologies option whenever possible – see below for more information);
  • A Flowering Gallery – Keep Going;
  • A Black Gallery – either option;
  • A Librarian’s Office – Take the opposite door (but searching the draw can yield useful resources – see below);
  • A Stone Gallery – head through the silent gallery option.  Although it’s a luck check, it gives 5 progress regardless of success/failure.  The Nightmares given on failure is capped at 7, so that won’t be a problem long term either.

The Shape of the Labyrinth card also gives progress, but costs a large number of routes, so it is recommended not to play this if at all possible (however, any progress is better than none).

Routes are useful for progress on the Grand Staircase, Tea Room, Flowering Gallery, and Shape of the Labyrinth card, and it is highly recommended to stockpile these.  They may be sourced from:

  • A Map Room – library map option;
  • A Discarded Ladder;
  • An Index – Search for a reference card.  This is the best way to get Routes, as it gives up to 3 for one action;

Searching the librarian’s drawer can give Keys, which can be used on options that give 10 Progress – of which there are 3 in total (although one requires foregoing the Anathema Unchained option, which is very inefficient):

  • A Locked Gate/Use a key – consumes 1 Key;
  • A Tea Room/Consult your maps of the library – consumes 1 Route.

A Gaoler-Librarian (lift a key option) also gives Keys.

One drawback of searching the librarian’s draw is that Ontologies will accumulate.  When you have at least 5 of these, the A God’s Eye View card is added to the deck, which does not give progress.  As such, it is best to spend these on the An Atrium card (Course Correct option) whenever possible, to avoid this issue.

Barrister of the Evenlode

  • Location: The Magistracy of the Evenlode
  • Actions/level: 6
  • Stats required:
    • 300 in highway stats recommended;
    • Mithridacy 8 (16+ is better);
    • A Player of Chess 7;
    • Optional Items – the three Judges, Devil Poetry school, First City Edicts, Cave Aged Code of Honour, The Flower from Hell that Grows Under Your Skin

Methodology

This is a fixed length carousel of six actions, namely: 

  1. Start the trial
  2. Progress the trial four times
  3. End the trial

There are not really any specific requirements or optimum routes, with various highway stats being useful.  Very high Mithridacy is advantageous, but not crucial.  For the most profitable options, see the wiki guide.

Crate Conveyor

  • Location: The Upper River (during the Great Crate Commotion Living World event only)
  • Actions/level: 2
  • Stats/items required:
    • 7 Scrip per level (if purchasing crates);
    • 300 Highway (S/D/P) + 11 Mith/MA/Zeefaring – respective combinations 
    • (if getting crates via opp cards)

Methodology

  1. Buy a crate/acquire one from the opportunity card
  2. Sell a crate to one of the factions – do not open it yourself, as this will not increment the quality

This is the first 777 that is based on a Living World event, and as such, it is recommended to pursue this one whenever possible, as opportunities are limited.

It is easiest and most reliable to buy the crates from the storylet, as it only requires a small amount of start-up scrip (around 5.5k), and is not opportunity deck dependent.  Please note that you are able to have multiple crates at once, but it is better to cash them in immediately after acquisition (to gain levels as you go, and to minimise the risk of having lots of crates left over).

Crates may also be obtained through three different opportunity cards available during the event.  However these require high level stats on a dual skill challenge (300 highway and 11 in specific MAGCATSZ) to guarantee success, making this method more difficult (and RNG dependent).

Dedicated Brawler

  • Location: The Blind Helmsman
  • Actions/level: 2
  • Stats/items required:
    • B15+KT10+Honed Ushanka, or
    • R15+AotRS10+Vigilant Chitin Fur Boots, or
    • R15+MA10+Moray Heels, or
    • Dreaded15+MA10+Hunter’s Instinct for Nightmares, or
    • Dangerous 209+1 Special Dispensation

Methodology

The first of the “free” grinds, this requires zero upfront cost.  Which side you fight for is immaterial, but you must not choose to fight for yourself.  The grind is done in 2 actions as follows – the initial selection of the side you take is a zero action storylet.

  1. Fight
  2. Cash out

For the fight step, select one of the “Venomous headbutt”/”boot in the fundament”/”moray heels”/”Something out of their nightmares”/”Special Dispensation” options, ONCE only.   Next, immediately end the fight by choosing the admiralty coin option.

Dream Trophies of Parabola

  • Location: Parabola
  • Actions/level: 5-7 (see methods below)
  • Stats/items required:
    • Glasswork 12; 1 Cheerful Goldfish/hunt
    • Method 2: +Monster Hunter; MA14

Methodology

This first method involves repeatedly hunting Focused Albatrosses.  You will need a Cheerful Goldfish for each hunt (purchasable from Nassos Zoologicals at the Bazaar for 0.4 Echoes each). Step 5 is a Dangerous 200 check, so you will need 334 Dangerous to 100% it.

  1. Initiate hunt
  2. Apply your own knowledge
  3. Push onward
  4. Bait the Focused Albatross
  5. Capture it

Failure on the final check returns you to step 3 and you’ll need to repeat it.

Method 2 involves hunting sharks as a Monster Hunter, with 14 Monstrous Anatomy.  Each shark can be hunted in around 6-7 actions, and yields dock favours (and fin bones from dissecting the remains in the lab, which can then be used in constructing skeletons in the bone market fairly profitably).

Fabricator of Past Lives

  • Location: Balmoral – Cabinet Noir
  • Actions/level: 2
  • Stats/items required:
    • Shadowy 250; 
    • A Player of Chess 8

Methodology

  1. Begin to construct a Cover Identity (without ties)
  2. Realize your Cover Identity reveals the person you were.

A very simple 2 action grind that requires no expenditure of resources.  It provides a Memory of a Much Lesser Self on completion, which can be used towards the grinding of Painter of Fine Art.

Familiarity with the Carpenter’s Granddaughter

  • Location: London 
  • Actions/level: 1
  • Stats/items required:
    • None (although Weasel of Woe can assist in deck optimization – see below)

Methodology

  1. Attend her presentation/See another of her lectures

This quality is increased through the A Public Lecture card, drawn from the London opportunity deck. The initial level is through the “Attend her presentation” storylet, whilst for all subsequent ones, it’s “See another of her lectures”.  It’s a tricky Watchful check (100% at 367), but you still gain a level even on failure (just with 1CP of Nightmares too).

Deck trimming obviously will expedite the grinding of the quality.  For an end game player, the Weasel of Woe can remove several useless cards.  With the Weasel equipped, there is a net deck size reduction of 11 cards (13 removed, but 2 Abundant cards added).

With a mediocrely trimmed deck and the Weasel of Woe equipped, a typical end game player can expect to draw the card 2-3 times a day in London.  As such it is best to do this grind passively alongside the other London ones.

Meals Served at Station VIII

  • Location: Station VIII
  • Actions/level: 2
  • Stats/items required:
    • 250 Shadowy; 
    • 6KT;
    • 5 Peppercaps and Magisterial Lagers per level

Methodology

  1. Prepare a sharply flavored pickle.
  2. Serve up the Sharply Flavored Pickle, As Yet Unpoisoned.

Pretty simple and self-explanatory, the lagers can be purchased for 1 scrip each directly from the Upper River Exchange, whilst the peppercaps can be obtained through the Hinterland opportunity deck (see General Tips); for 10 rat shillings each at the Rat Market; or from various other sources (eg from exchanging gratitude at the Museum).

Oneiropomp

  • Location: Viric Jungle
  • Actions/level: 3
  • Stats/items required:
    • None

Methodology

  1. Sculptress
  2. Lend power to the dream
  3. Take inspiration

Fairly simple three actions that don’t require much thought.  The Inspired reward can be put to use in the Inspired method for Painter of Fine Art.

Each iteration will give some Sightings of Parabola Landmarks.  These can then be used on Step 2 to yield more Intensity (by playing Draw in Another Place instead), which translates into more Inspired.  As such it is recommended to do this if possible, as the greater amount of Inspired can be used for more levels of Painter of Fine Art.

Mathematically, the optimal split is 655 “normal” cycles and 122 with the cost of Landmarks, to make up the 777 in total.  This equates to enough Inspired for 57 levels of Painter of Fine Art.

Painter of Fine Art

Inspired Method

  • Location: The Empress’ Court; Helicon House
  • Actions/level: 18(+3)(+3)
  • Stats/items required:
    • SA8; 
    • W209; 
    • 375 Prisoner’s Honey/Level (+250P);
    • Helicon Pendant; or 
    • Oneiric Key; or
    • Location of an Underground Organ;
    • Optional:
      • Rubbery Campanologist & Herald; or 
      • Boneless Pianist; or 
      • Rubbery Euphonium

Methodology

This is a two part grind that involves generating a very large amount of Inspired, and then spending it at Helicon House for levels in Painter of Fine Art.

  1. At the Empress’ Court, begin working on a Play, Song, Symphony, Ballet, Opera or Film.  The exact one of these is irrelevant, you will not be completing it (as this resets Inspired).  
  2. Use “Composition: The High Path” option to grind Inspired.  Each action generates 20 CP of Inspired, making each painting require 15 actions here (assuming you purchased the 291,375 honey required from the bazaar – cost: 11.6kE.  Alternatively, for 3 actions/Painter level, the required honey may be obtained from the Artist in the lab – requires 250 Persuasive).  

NB: If you are grinding Inspired all at once, you need to reach level 4,637.

  1. Next, enter Helicon House, and get to 5 fitting in.  Entering with the Helicon Pendant, or Boho/Rubbery R40 items gives 2 fitting in.  Entering with certain companions also gives an additional 1 fitting in.
  2. The Dream with the Others option in the Upstairs Honey Den provides 1 fitting in and 6 CP of inspired/action as well.
  3. Alternatively, if you have both the Rubbery Campanologist and Rubbery Herald; Boneless Pianist; or the Rubbery Euphonium, you can gain 3 fitting in in one action from the South Parlour.  3 Fitting in can also be obtained from the Supper Room if you have Nemesis Bloody Cloak; or HD Crown.
  4. Then, in the Prussian Salon, Accept a Commission to gain your Painter level.

Entering Helicon House, increasing Fitting In, and accepting a commission can be done in as little as 3 actions/level of Painter (assuming you already have the required Inspired).

For a summary of all the Fitting In options – see the Helicon House guide on the wiki.

It is recommended to gain all Inspired first, as it is more efficient that way (as it saves on actions travelling to/from Ealing Gardens, and the action cost from repeatedly entering the Court – totalling 3 actions/level saved.  

Buying all the required honey also saves another 3 actions/level, resulting in the most efficient action count for this to be 18 actions (having saved 3 on travelling/court entry, and a further 3 by buying all the honey in advance).

The Oneiropomp grind also gives Inspired, so it is suggested you use the Inspired from that first.

You may also use an alt (or the assistance of friendly community members) to expedite the grinding of Inspired by sending Poetic Missives.  Each missive gives 45 CP of Inspired.

Balmoral Method

  • Location: Balmoral
  • Actions/level: 11 (excluding resource acquisition)
  • Stats/items required:
    • Seal of St Joshua (for Moonlit); 
    • Persuasive reducing items (Weasel of Woe in particular)

Methodology

The actual grind itself is a simple two part carousel  – doing the painting, and then presenting the completed work.

  1. Start the Painting
  2. Work on it six times
  3. Complete the Painting
  4. Return to London (universal storylet turn in) or Ealing Gardens (Helicon House) to present the painting
  5. Return to Balmoral

The challenge of this grind is to source the input materials for the painting.  As to the best route to obtain these, the Painting Guide on the wiki may be the best place to start.

For Touching Love Stories, the easiest option of course is to buy them directly from the Rat Market, at 50 Rat Shillings each (representing a 100% mark up on the Bazaar sale price.  Each Painting can use 30 Touching Love Stories, making it 1,500 Rat Shillings/Painting, resulting in an overall expenditure of 1.15M Rat Shillings (around 115k echoes) to gain 23,310 Touching Love Stories.  Of course, you also need to get hold of the Rat Shillings in the first place.

It is useful to note that the Paint! option only consumes 3 Touching Love Stories on failure (versus 5 on success) and still grants a point of Painter’s Progress, making it useful to minimize your Persuasive skill as much as possible.  With the Weasel of Woe it is possible to have a 0% chance of succeeding this check.

Another option is to bulk buy Maniac’s Prayers from the Rat Market, and up/side convert into Touching Love Stories instead.

The Rat Market is currently being redesigned – this section may be outdated.  It will be updated once the new Rat Market has been launched.

How to make the most of the Rat Market is beyond the scope of this guide, but a Rat Market Guide is available on the Wiki.

Additionally, both the grinds for Fabricator of Past Lives and Scintillack Dreaming provide resources that can be put towards this grind via side/upconversion to Collated Research, which then can be converted into Moonlit; and Memories of a Much Lesser Self.  Large quantities of Memories of Light will also be needed – see the MoL flowchart on the Wiki for details on how to do this most efficiently.

Touching Love Stories can also be acquired through the A Prolific Pirate grind, via diamonds (see the A Prolific Pirate section for more details).

Any Airags gained from painting may also be sold in the Khanate, and Touching Love Stories may then be purchased (albeit with a large 100% markup), from the Khanate bazaar tab.

Given the large time and cost involved in getting the raw materials for this grind, it may be best to leave this one until the end.  

The actions involved in acquiring the resources for painting will increase the actions/level significantly.

There is, of course, a ridiculous alternative.  It requires very end game items, lots of luck with the RNG, and seasonal content, but it saves a lot of up front cost.  It would be helpful to have a Hellworm to do this.

The concept is fairly simple:

  1. Stockpile as many Master’s Bloods as you can from milking the Hellworm (each milking is a 1:32 chance of gaining Blood), or through other means.
  2. When Whitsun next arrives, convert all the Blood into A Sealed Copy of the Crimson Book.
  3. Sell the books for 625 Touching Love Stories apiece (meaning each book is worth around 20 levels of Painter of Fine Art from Balmoral).
  4. With the paintings, upconvert the resulting Airags back into Master’s Bloods through the Portly Sommelier Card, and repeat from step 2 onwards until you reach 777 Painter.

To reach 777 Painter will require 38 Crimson Books in total (of which at most 22 can be from recycling Airags).

Tracklayers’ City Method

  • Location: The City of the Tracklayers
  • Actions/level: 17 (approximately)
  • Stats/items required:
    • The Serpent Muralist Vignette [10 Fate]
  • Stats/items recommended:
    • No moonlit; 
    • <6,000 Hinterland Prosperity;
    • No spur line built;
    • Tracklayer City Leader not radically misaligned to the City’s values;
    • No Vignettes enabled;
    • No Fate locked Aunt storyline;
    • The Grey Man has been sent to Hell

Methodology

This is the free method, although you will need to have purchased The Serpent Muralist vignette for Fate in order to use this option.

Painter of Fine Art is incremented by playing the Try your hand at a painting in the Cartographical Style option on the Day of Rest card.  This card is Very Infrequent (50% chance of drawing vs a standard card), and as such, the method here is to trim the deck as much as possible.

To do this, you will need as many of the following as possible:

  • No Moonlit;
  • No spur line built;
  • Hinterland Prosperity < 6,000;
  • No vignettes enabled;
  • Your city leader needs to be aligned to the City’s values;
  • Additional cards are removed by sending the man in grey to Hell;
  • Low/no Nightmares, Wounds, and Tracklayers’ Displeasure;
  • Having played the Fate part of the Aunt storyline also adds a card to your deck here;
  • Always discard any discardable cards

At this point, just draw and play cards until you receive Day of Rest.  At that point, enable the Serpent Muralist vignette, play the option, and then disable the vignette again.

Holding more frequent cards in your hand also skews the deck in your favour.  This is mainly the infrastructure cards.

Palaeontologist

  • Location: The Bone Market
  • Actions/level: 2
  • Stats/items required:
    • One torso (unless you are a Licentiate) 

Methodology

  1. Supply torso skeleton
  2. Break down for parts

Licentiates are best placed for this, as they can supply a torso free of charge, but given that the torso is recovered either way, it doesn’t really matter.

Prolific Advertiser

  • Location: Bazaar Side Streets – Naga Advertising Agency
  • Actions/level: 15
  • Stats/items required:
    • None; but to 100% all checks:
    • 22 in one BDR;
    • 274 Shadowy and Persuasive

Methodology

  1. Start an advertising campaign (0 action)
  2. Play 15 actions to reduce Campaign Duration to 0
  3. End Campaign (0 action)

Working with the assumption that profit and EPA don’t matter, then the choices you make here are essentially irrelevant.  The Soap Campaign has the easiest checks, so it’s probably best just to do that.  Ultimately though, to grind the quality, you just need to hit zero Campaign Duration asap (and every action played in the carousel reduces it by 1 each time) – hence there are no favoured actions or options to choose or avoid.

If you want to at least try for some monetary efficiency, then the A Trade In Reputations guide on the FL Wiki is the place to go.

Record of Successful Forgery

  • Location: University Laboratory
  • Actions/level: Variable, but typically around 6-8
  • Stats/items required:
    • Laboratory Services from a Silk Clad Expert (optional);
    • Laboratory Services from Cora Bagley (if you did HD);
    • Secret College + 9 SotC + 292 W (useful but optional) – see caveat in italics below

Methodology

  1. Begin research into Statistical Tables
  2. Generate normal research, but you need at least 1 Parabolan Research, which necessitates one use of the Silk Clad Expert’s Parabolan Research option.
  3. Pass off your corrupted tables to an unsuspecting colleague.

If you do not have access to the Silk Clad Expert, you’ll need to gain Parabolan Research through alternative methods, for example, through the use of The Reflection of Research card.  If you are unlucky with RNG, you can use an option on this card instead.  However, it is still better to use the Silk Clad Expert’s dedicated card if possible, as that gives both normal and Parabolan Research for one action (meaning you don’t have to spend a separate action on Parabolan Research).  

It is very action inefficient to go to the Reflection of Your Laboratory, as only one point of Parabolan Research is needed, so this should be avoided if at all possible.

Being in possession of a Secret College (and 9 SotC + 292+ Watchful) also gives access to the Write to your Secret College for help card, which gives 40 normal research per action (and is always worth playing).

Using both the Secret College and Silk Clad Expert, it is very possible to consistently only need 6 actions per level for this, especially if you have access to Cora Bagley as well.  

Please note that being in possession of the College dilutes the opp deck, which can impact drawing the cards required for Parabolan Research.

Please also note that this does not increase Prestige of Your Laboratory, although it can be done in conjunction with raising Teaching Reputation.

It is possible to raise this in conjunction with Lab Prestige – see Triple Lab Section at the end.

Scintillack Dreaming

  • Location: Port Cecil
  • Actions/level: 14
  • Stats/items required:
    • None

Methodology

  1. Start the carousel with High Tide in the Poisoned Pawn, and just cycle it round and round.

The Port Cecil grind operates on a 14 action carousel.  Given the action count is fixed, the choice of option at each stage doesn’t matter.  However, one possible option is to stockpile Memories of Distant Shores and Scraps of Incendiary Gossip (which side convert into Memories of Distant Shores).  These upconvert into Volumes of Collated Research which can be used to fuel the acquisition of Moonlit, which feeds into the Painter of Fine Art (Balmoral) grind.  A small handful of Romantic Notions can also be gained, which ultimately upconvert into Touching Love Stories.  Journals of Infamy can be gained as well, which then then also be side/upconverted into TLS.  Both can be used for the painting grind.

If you wish to do this, then you will need Monstrous Anatomy 13 and choose the “Instruct the lamp-cats in the coral calcification of the locals” option at High Tide; and Persuasive 250 for the “Bring the scintillack miners some ‘refreshments’” option at Low Tide.

Teaching Reputation of Your Laboratory

  • Location: University Laboratory
  • Actions/level: 1.43
  • Stats/items required:
    • High persuasive and a Fate lab is beneficial but not crucial;
    • Access to a Visionary Student

Methodology

This method involves using your Visionary Student to train all the others.  First, train your Visionary Student up to level 5.  Then, hire as many other students as you can, starting with Meticulous, and ending with Shifty.

Once you have these students, use the “Let them tutor your other students” option under “Work with your visionary student”.  This will give +1 experience to each student on each action (even on failure).  The only penalty with failure is Disgruntlement, which is removed when you graduate the students anyway.

Using this method, you can gain 7 levels of Teaching Reputation in 10 actions.

The Prestige of your Laboratory

  • Location: University Laboratory
  • Actions/level: 3
  • Stats/items required:
    • Ambiguous Eoliths (1/level)

Methodology

The best approach is to Disambiguate Eoliths, as these only require 10 research, making it only takes one action to fully research it.  

  1. Start Disambiguating an Eolith
  2. Research it (once)
  3. Complete Research

Eoliths may be bought on the Upper River Exchange for 2 scrip each, making it relatively inexpensive overall.

It is possible to raise this in conjunction with Lab Prestige – see Triple Lab Section at the end.

Alternatively, you may wish to grind this through accurate identification of thigh bones.  Unidentified thigh bones may also be bought from the Upper River for 2 scrip each.  Identifying them takes 25 research, so with good cards and a decent lab, it is possible to gain the 25 research in one action.  By identifying it, you gain a Femur of a Jurassic Beast, which can then be used in the Palaeozoologist grind in the museum.

General Tips

A lot of these grinds are able to feed into one another, to make the overall process less painful.  I’ll list a few places where you can use these to help expedite the process.  

  • When doing the Upper River grinds (Painting, Monographs, Identities), always play the Fungiculturalist card.  The 0 Respectable option gives 10 fungi each time for no cost, so you can easily build up the 3,900 or so peppercaps for the Station VIII cooking grind this way without cost. 
  • Peppercaps for the Meals Served at Station VIII can also be obtained from cashing out Curator’s Gratitude generated from grinding Palaeozoologist at the Museum.
  • The three lab grinds all complement one another.  Always play the student cards when grinding up both Lab Prestige and Forgery Records to save time in general.
  • Grinding Familiarity with the Carpenter’s Granddaughter can be done in conjunction with any of the London based grinds by card flipping the opportunity deck.
  • Grinding Inspired through Oneiropomp can be used in Helicon House to grind Painter of Fine Art (needs 5 Fitting in and 24 Inspired/300CP per Painter level).
  • Materials from the Scintillack Dreaming and Fabricator of Past Lives grinds can be put towards the Balmoral method for Painter of Fine Art.
  • Relics of the Second City, acquired through hunting crocodiles, can be put towards writing Monographs.
  • Plunder acquired during A Prolific Pirate can be converted into diamonds, which themselves can be converted into Touching Love Stories for Balmoral Painting.
  • A Hunter of Zee Beasts and A Prolific Pirate can be progressed simultaneously.  Grinding the latter passively whilst doing the former will yield around 10%-15% of the overall progress for A Prolific Pirate.
  • Ambiguous Eoliths for disambiguating in the lab may be acquired from grinding A Historian of the Neath and selling to the Disgraced Diplomat (choose Fourth City Decline/War with Hell options for this).

Triple Lab

A variation on the lab based grinds – if you acquire unidentified thigh bones at 2 scrip apiece from the Upper River Exchange, you can invent a false narrative for them in the lab.  It takes 75 Research and 25 Parabolan Research, and the result increases both Lab Prestige and Record of Successful Forgeries.

It costs a similar amount of actions as doing the two grinds separately, but with the additional cost of 50 Honey (25 for Silverers) to enter the Lab Reflection to reliably gain the 25 Parabolan Research required.

Overall, doing the grinds separately, or together with this method will consume a broadly similar number of actions in general anyway, so it’s up to you which you prefer.

Egor Opleuha
About Egor Opleuha 673 Articles
Egor Opleuha is a professional copywriter with more than 12 years of experience, who eventually became fully immersed in the gaming industry. The legendary Heroes of Might and Magic saga was and continues to be his favorite video game franchise. In his free time he likes to fish and play guitar.

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